We're facebook friends in real life
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
