I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
