apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
