Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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