I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
