Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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