He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
