we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
