you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
