mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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