i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
