I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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