I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Boobs speak an international language.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize