i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
