She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Randomize
