no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
