i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
