I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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