toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My cat gives me a boner
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
