puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
