Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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