he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
