Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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