We won't sleep together?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
