So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
