do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
