where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
