At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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