I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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