I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
