4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My dick has a subreddit
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
