Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize