and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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