The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
