Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
