the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
