someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
