Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
