College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
