I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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