last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
