he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
