So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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