sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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