Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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