the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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