no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
