If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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