I like my sex mixed with concussions.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
