It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
