i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
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