Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
They left me at home... I'm a liability
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
