Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You can't just leave with hair like that
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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