dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
