I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
