Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
