party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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