it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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