I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Randomize
