so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i need to put some appletini on your dick
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
