My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
