see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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