I'm really into asian looking animals
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He shit in the fireplace
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
