he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
