Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
