I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
