I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
