i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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