office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
