i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
