Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
