I just made out with a guy for $7.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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