That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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