dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
