oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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