it's like iHOP with fire
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
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I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
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Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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