Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
my liver is dry heaving
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
